Thursday, September 22, 2005

The Old Is New Again?

What is this retro shit? The NHL wants a new look, right. Well, the first thing it should do is actually start this season. SHOOT OUT , I feel it is a good idea and all, but, this is nothing new. The shoot out has been in existence for a long time. It's been used in the Olympics for years not to mmention ALL of the elite leagues in Europe. The NHL NEEDS NEEDS NEEDS NEEDS a new look. This I agree with. First thinbg that should happen is the firing of those who have sat on the voting table for the last 15 to 35 years. NEW BLOOD. How obvious is this. I am NOT a PROPHET. This has to be what you see, no. Gary and his bullshit agenda can going going gone. The MLB can sit in front of the USA go0vernment when it comes to DRUG TRAFFICING and laugh, the NHL can not sit together with it's players and negotiate contracts. BETTMAN is a weasle, a coward, a fool, mthe COMMISIONER OF THE NATIONAL HOCKEY LEAGUE. Kiack him in the anus, seriously.

The Old Is New Again?

Saturday, September 17, 2005

Edmonton vs. Calgary

I was lucky enough to snag tickets to the upper colonade of the Rexall Place for the Oilers/Flames game tonight. It was insane, the moment everyone stood up for Oh Canada, you realized how mad Edmonton is for hockey. The place was damn near sold out.... for an exhibition game.

Welcome to Edmonton Pronger.

First period the two teams felt themselves out like a couple of 14 year olds hitting first base. It was awkward and boring.

Second period I managed to sneak down to the Gold section with a few beers, along with my paranoid friend Jay who figured we'd be executed if we got caught. But some smooth talking with the usher and she never knew the difference. Now I had a seat to actually view this shit.

Calgary buried one. Fuck them, Morrison really blew that one. But I suppose Salo would have been 4 down, so one bad goal isn't that bad. Rookie phenom Dion Phaneuf proved he's not just a junior star... he's a major league slugger... when he totally crushed Torres with an open ice hit. I was surprised Torres even got up.

Still a boring game to this point. Then the 3rd period started and shit hit the fan. It was a real game then. Back and forth, intense action. Robbie Shremp again was the best Oiler around, making plays, passing the puck... only Radek Dvorak showed equal skill. Actually DVO proved once again why he's the best Oiler around. Total speed, defensive and offensive skills. He burned an entire Calgary PP on his own ripping around in their end with the puck, stripping the CGY D of the puck. All by himself. I yelled out "Give him a statue" and everyone in my section applauded the idea.

Then finally the crowd yelled for Pronger to shoot, but like the pussy he was all night, he didn't. Instead he passed it off to Stoll, who blasted it past everyone into the net. Finally we got to scream. The game was real now.

OT settled nothing. And the token shootout actually meant something. Everyone got denied for Calgary... somehow. Shremp, Pisani, Pronger all fucked up too.

Then Ryan Smyth, the mulleted retard went in on his shot and by some stroke of God, he sent it between Krahn's legs for the win. The place went nuts. Even if it was Smytty, the Oilers won and that's all that matters.

My only question... where the hell MacT gets off putting Pisani and Pronger out on a shootout when he has Radek Dvorak on the bench.

The Oil won, which is what matters in the end. But the won't keep winning with shitty SO picks.

Good night.

Thursday, September 15, 2005

The two most under rated players in the NHL

1. Daymond Langkow - 21 goals, 31 assists in 81 games. For the fucking Phoenix Coyotes. Sean Doan had 27 41 68 points with the same Phoenix team. Is it a coincidence that Doan became an "allstar" after Langkow became his center?

Will Nedved do the same. Fuck no. Langkow is the same player drafted 5th overall by TB but had to play with a 40 year old John Cullen at 18 years old. Iginla was drafted 7 spots later. Let's not forget that fateful year of Lindros getting corked by Stevens. That was Lindros' 2nd game that year. The center that took Philly that far was Daymond Langkow.

Anyone remember the Massachuteses World Junior Championships? Jarome Iginla and Daymond Langkow were on the same line. They combined to elevate Canada to gold. With Langkow being the star on that line.

Now they're reunited. Watch the fuck out. Langkow for Saprykin... what a rip off. Langkow will get at least 70 points this year on a line with Iginla.

2 - Alexandre Daigle

Yeah, he was the 1st overall pick. Yeah, he was the next one. Yeah, he quit for 2 years.

But what 18 year old kid can step into the league, score 20 goals, 31 assists and 51 points on an expansion team where your representative to the all star game was Brad Marsh?

Apparently that wasn't good enough, if Daigle never got 50 goals, and 50 assists he was a bust that year. On AN EXPANSION TEAM. God help Crosby on the Penguins playing with Mario, Recchi, Leclair, Gonchar, Palffy...etc. The best Daigle had was Brad fucking Marsh.

He outscored Yashin as a rookie, he played as well as anyone could really imagine for an 18 year old on the shittiest team the NHL has ever seen. No wonder he quit. And was relegated to 3rd and 4 th line duties thereafter.

But he came back and led... I repeat... LED the Minnesota Wild in scoring his first year back, and his first chance to play again. Gaborik? No.... Alexandre Daigle.

20 goals, 51 points on the most defensive team in the league. Plus he fucked Pam Anderson. Diagle is owed his due.

He's not a bust, he's been given a shitty hand.

Lindros to Toronto

I know this is old news...

But this is the best thing to happen to Toronto since Syl Apps was captain of the team in the 40s. Yeah Toronto is shit. There's no doubt about that, who's the only original 6 team to not make the finals since 1967?

Toronto.

And that's because there is a God.

We'd never hear the end of it. Just like Dougie Gilmour, what do you think when you hear his name besides Chunky Soup and an all around failing team in Toronto that made the semi-finals once in his run? Maple Maple Maple Leafs.

Too bad his best year was when he WON the cup in Calgary. But that's Toronto media for you, I mean Tie Domi has a commercial on TV for fuck sakes, and he was expendable as a Winnipeg Jet.

Now, Eric Lindros. Everyone always looks back to one play. Stevens hit him. One concussion, one highlight. But where's the highlights of Lindros beating the hell of out Stevens twice? In a fight nonetheless. Grab a Lindros fight tape, you'll see first hand.

OK, so the Flyers went down after that hit. It did kill the motivation of the team. Lindros soon joined the Rangers and in his years there held a 0.876 points per game average.

Yet, fans would like to have Nedved with his 0.327, Bure with his 0.486, Jagr with his 0.858, or even a 44 year old Messier at 0.2122.

Lindros was the best player in NY. But nobody cared to watch. Damn near a point per game in the Bermuda Triangle NY Rangers.

Lets not forget his last "concussion" 22 months ago (lockout included) he didn't leave the ice, he skated down and beat the shit out of Jason Doig.

Eric Lindros is going to not only win the Masterson Trophy this year, he'll be the best Maple Leaf (and you know what that means a good 10 votes for MVP).

Get over your bias, the 1995 MVP is as back as the 2000 Pronger in Edmonton.

Bondra to Atlanta

Why this slipped under the radar is beyond me. This guy consistently pops in 30 goals a year on a mediocre Washington team pre and post Jagr. He was a HUGE acquisition to Ottawa, but somehow after they routinely lose in the playoffs (thanks to Lalime and their shaky defense)... Bondra is all of a sudden a liability?

Atlanta just snapped up Hossa, Holik, Bondra.... and gave up Heatley. I don't understand their loss.

They'll have Lehtonen in net, plus 3 extra 20-30 goal scorers up front and said goodbye to a dialated pupiled Heatley that can only see in 2D.

The city of Atlanta might not deserve a team, but they got one now.

oh yeah... Go Braves. Every win just drives a nail into those bitch ass Washington Nationals hearts. Fuck them, and fuck the MLB for the conspiracy to drive them out of Montreal.

Atlanta will win the World Series.... my word is spoken.

Wednesday, September 14, 2005

Joey Moss Cup

Tonight the Oilers held their intersquad game between team blue and team white. $2 admission so who can pass that up? First real NHL show of the new rules in a full 3 period game. The red line and smaller neutral zones are very noticable and should make for better hockey. Needless to say the crowd gave their biggest ovations to Chris Pronger, Mike Peca and Ryan Smyth. Some observations:

The two line pass will only work the moment a player on the Oilers besides Dvorak or Shremp can catch a pass. A QB is only as good as his reciever.

Rob Shremp - throw this kid on the team. Better yet, throw him on the first line, he's the best offensive threat the Oilers have. If he doesn't make the team it'll be shenanigans. First two goals of the game snapped home by Robbie. The kid is a fucking all star. His vision, his handle, his passing all top notch. He schooled both Peca and Reasoner on the faceoffs, no easy task. He was like that little weasel Comrie, without the vagina.

Yan Stastney - thanks for showing up. Or did you? I didn't notice. You're cut.

JJ Hunter - tried to intimidate, ended up looking like a pussy. Cut.

Dan Syvret - excellent breakout passes, solid on D. I like him already. These London Knights are ready for the primetime. You're in.

Matheiu Roy - who? Exactly. Cut.

Brad Winchester - what's all the hype about? He's no power forward, he was like an anorexic Isbister. Way to go on the goal, it was more because of a brain fuck by JDD rather than skill.

Zack Stortini - CHL academic player of the year. Captain of the Wolves. Why haven't we heard more about him? He was solid, an excellent two way player. Good vision. AHL for you Zack Attack. Ok, that was gay, but still.

Igor Ulanov - you got burned by Georges Laraque. Need I say more? Cut.

Radek Dvorak - God Bless You. You're the shit and the best thing the Oilers have going. Don't blame yourself buddy, its not your fault the Oilers suck.

Chris Pronger - way to give up the puck twice on one shift right in front of your own net. If you weren't being paid 7 million dollars a year, I'd cut you. Step it up mook.

Ryan Smyth - god, I wish you were traded. Why must you always take a long 3 second wind up and try to slap it in on every half break you have? Everyone knows that's your only move, and you wonder why you can't score like it's 1995 again.

Cory Cross - big albino pussy. Cut.

Toby Peterson - who's dick did you suck to get on the ice? Go home.

Georges Laraque - the new rules are finally going to help this guy avoid the Debrusk syndrome.

Todd Harvey - all heart, only guy looking to fuck someone up with a hit. I'll admit I thought it was a joke they took him on, now I think twice.

Dan Smith, Jean Francois Jacques, Jason Platt, Jani Rita, and Kyle Brodziak..... don't come back. Not even to a training camp. Fuck off, you all suck.

..... and was Ethan Moreau even there? I sincerely hope not, otherwise he was completely useless.

Now for my game day award for retard of the day:

There were a lot of options, Jason Platt losing his stick, gloves and helmet trying to play defense because his arms moved independant of his brain. Those guys on the jumbotron who put on a fake fight, to no laughs. Gene Principe talking into that mic that was clearly off and Ryan Rishaug had to bail him out. That guy that kept yelling out "ehhh ohhh" like it was funny....

But no... the winner, actually winners, are all the people that showed up with 2 minutes until the puck drop and came into the gold section blocking everyone's view trying to find a seat. Hey morons, it's a 2 dollar admission, first come first serve. The people sitting up in the colonade should be a hint that there's no fucking seats right on the red line. Yet, you continue to hover with your ass right beside my face because you're too fucking dumb to realize 5 seats together in the prime area aren't going to magically appear.

Until opening night..... my first Oilers game day review.

NHL2006

New Rosters, New Rules, New Schedules!!

EA's new tag line for their NHL 2006. What does this mean for you? Rosters are amazingly updated, the schedule is whatever. The rules only apply to you.

This means you can't touch a player, you can't get the puck from them. You better not even try, lest you love penalty killing. The AI on the other hand, is allowed to do whatever they feel like. Watch how you get held from behind on a breakaway to no call. How you mysteriously lose the puck for no reason in front of the net. How you get held against the boards, as they pick it up and bury it past your "goalie".

What about the sliders you say? Well they're there, but again they only apply to you. Lower the penalties... they get none. You still take them easily. Lower the poke effectiveness, you will never touch the puck again, they on the other hand will strip it from you with ease.

I am now half way through my first season with the Chicago Blackhawks on the difficult mode. 17-23-0-2. Not too bad considering I started the season 0 and 15. I expected as such, it takes a while to get a handle on a new game, especially on difficult (any other level is for children).

The skill stick is back. Yippee! You can now deke a goalie out of his panties and then say hello to his friends backchecking obstructing defenseman or his other buddy the apparently 5 foot wide post.

See a man open for a one timer? A great way to score, once out of every 45 attempts, the other 40 are picked off by anyone within 10 feet of its path. 4 are blocked point blank after firing off a giant shot. The defensemen on the other team are notorious for their hand eye coordination blocking a Forsberg slapshot with the shaft of their stick in mid air.

Try to block their shots? Good luck. It'll just deflect off you and past your goalie. Leave them to shoot and your goalie can see it? Watch how the twine expands.

Should your opponent get the puck. Give up. Right then. Just wait until the whistle, kick back, sip on your beer. Whatever you do at this point is futile. You will not get the puck away, you bounce off them with a hit, you poke it but they grab it right back. Slash them, go to the box. Block it, watch it deflect in. And God help you if they get the puck behind your net. It's going in, believe that.

By some miracle you do get the puck away, set up a serious breakout by passing it directly onto their players stick. They have great anticipation. Don't pass, just skate.

Only saving grace for this game NHL 2006 is that NHL 2005 sucked so much balls, this game in comparison seems like the greatest thing to happen for hockey fans since Bertuzzi snapped that dude's neck.

Ryan Smyth Resigns with Oilers


2 years, 7 million dollars.

The society of Budweiser swilling, semen stained denim and mullet wearing NASCAR watchers around the world rejoice.

They finally have a poster boy who could afford a haircut, but willingly chooses not to. Congratulations Edmonton, another 2 years of mediocrity.

Hockey's Future Website

This place has an amazing message board to read and discuss the best game man has ever witnessed. Unfortunetely their mods and admins are comparable to that kid in school with a pedophile mustache and a vengeance to rule over everyone one day.

One day... Yes. They will finally have authority to take their anger out on everyone who is wiser, funnier, wittier or threatening to their new place in life. As an anonymous internet lord.

Don't mess with these guys. Don't disagree with them. Don't even so much as dare look at them. They will take you out. Gee Wally was getting destroyed in a debate about movies. He banned the guy on the spot. Gee, Wally, you're gay.

All in all, the website has amazing flaws. But it's a lot of fun if you're into submission. I'm not. Fuck them.

Post one.

Nothing weird has happened yet. But I haven't left the house today, I will and I'm sure shit will hit the fan.