5 Biggest Douchbags covering the NHL

5. Don Taylor - Sportsnet News - This idiot who covers the highlights of the NHL nightly on Sportsnet, decided to make his trademark to be looking and sounding like a retard. Every highlight he calls goes a little like "E fays e shuuuu e.... gores". He attempts to mock announcers of games, which may have been humourous the first time, but instead he does it EVERY time, and it's become less and less of mocking, to more of a retard grunt through entire highlights. He has the face of a muppet, and every attempt he has of being funny backfires.

4. Nick Kypreos - HockeyCentral - A mediocre player who fought middleweights is somehow an expert on all things hockey. Every prediction he makes around playoff time is dead wrong, everything he says is dead wrong - but he yells it at people like he has a point. The arrogance of someone who so off the mark is incredible. He's always praising tough players and acting like he would have done exactly what they did, yet everyone that remembers him playing knows he was a fucking coward, who did nothing but take cheap shots he condemns.

3. Darren Dreger - NHL on TSN - He's decently intelligent, he makes good comments, but the way he is more robotic than Al Gore drives me nuts. There's something plastic and entirely fake about the way he says what he does. Also, who the hell is he to take away from Bob McKenzie's role as the exclusive TSN Hockey Insider? Bob is a legend.

2. Glenn Healy - NHL on TSN - He served as Brian Burke's whipping boy during the lockout, and got his ass kicked in every debate he had sticking up for the NHLPA. Burke of course was right, and Healy was wrong - the NHL is better for the outcome. Where is Brian Burke now? Where is Healy, oh yeah, still serving on the panels, with NO sense of humour about himself at all. You can always see when James Duthie makes a crack about Healy, how Healy takes himself so seriously it makes him boil. Always bringing up his Stanley Cup, and how his Rangers won the Cup in 94. Well Healy - keep in mind you didn't play a single fucking moment of that playoff run. YOU WERE A GOD DAMN BACKUP GOALIE. I did as much as Healy did that postseason, so did you. Nothing. Where's our rings?

1. Michael Landsberg - Off the Record - Here's the show formula.... Wear a skin tight shirt, do your Up Front with a Leaf/Argo, then make the panel argue forever all season long about the Senators and the Maple Leafs. Be completely biased towards Toronto, praise all things Leafs, jump on all negative things Senators. Have a panel of distinguished athletes/celebrities, but only answer emails from viewers about yourself. Then do a "Next Question" asking stupid things like "Jessica Simpson or Ashlee Simpson?" Always have a smug look on your face. There is nothing likeable about this chump.

Quarter Season Awards

No need to explain, just my choices and honorable mentions to the major NHL awards at this 1/4 mark of the NHL season.

Jack Adams - Paul Maurice (TOR) - The Maple Leafs under Pat Quinn, would not only be mediocre, but dwelling near the bottom of the league. Quinn would continually put out the wrong players at the wrong time, and just continue his misunderstanding of the need to change. Paul Maurice has taken this team and converted them into a hard working consistant squad. Complete 180 of years past. Honorable Mention - Dave Tippet (DAL).

Selke - Eric Lindros (DAL) - Not only has the Big E reinvented his game in the Big D, he's become one of the NHL's elite defensive forwards. Blocking shots, playing the point on the PP, backchecking and shadowing elite players in his own end, Lindros has been impeccible in his skill to do this job given to him by Tippet. Honorable Mention - Derek Roy (BUF)

Norris - Sheldon Souray (MTL) - Souray has been a fucking force on the Montreal blueline. Without Souray, the Habs would be completely lost. He's slapping home goals at clutch moments, overtime included - he's their most offensive threatening player, not to mention the cornerstone of their defense. He pummels people out of the crease with ease. Honorable Mention - Niklas Lidstrom (DET)

Vezina - Ryan Miller (BUF) - Is there any doubt? I'm not wasting my time explaining why. Honorable Mention - Dwayne Roloson (EDM)

Calder - Evgeni Malkin (PIT) - Living up to all the hype, he began his NHL career with 6 goals in his first 6 games. The knock on this guy is he's a fragile pussy that can be easily scared out of not playing a full 60 minutes. In fact, he better watch out or his Calder will be stripped by - Honorable Mention - Wojtek Wolski (COL)

Hart - Sidney Crosby (PIT) - The Penguins live and die by what Crosby does. The kid has 30 points in 19 games, and has turned a shitty Penguin team into a squad to be reckoned with (if he's playing). Crosby once healthy will win the Art Ross, and push the Penguins from last place to a playoff team in just 2 years. Malkin can also thank Crosby for the Calder should he win it, and scratch Sid's name in with his keys beside his nameplate. Simply unstoppable. Honorable Mention: Rod BrindAmour (CAR)

Mountain Crest Beer is Bullshit

Not that it's unexpected that a 15 pack of beer that costs under 20 bucks is supposed to be anything worthwhile. My problem is this Ravinder Minhas guy would have you believe otherwise, through lying.

The biggest crock of shit they say is right on the can of Mountain Crest itself. "Brewing Tradition Since 1855". What the fuck is this all about? If you go to their website "damngoodbeer.ca" (another lie in of itself) and click on the biography of Ravinder Minhas - it says he is 24 years old and started Mountain Crest right out of highschool.

Now not all of us are petroleum engineers like Mr. Minhas, but the math speaks for itself. What the hell kind of tradition has been brewing 145 years before the company was started? Also a petroleum engineer that crafts your drinks for you?

Jack Daniels knew what was up - he was a heavy drinker that created his whisky out of his own barrels. Tried and tested himself he created a delicious whisky that only a true alcoholic genius like JD could do. Minhas while studying how to design pipelines for oil created the most disgusting piss around.

Do not trust this guy. He also claims you won't catch a sasquatch, but I wonder if he has ever sat down with a 15 pack of his own beer and tested that out? I have, and it'll fuck with your head pretty severly, it's not that far out of reach.

Fuck Mountain Crest. Now back to my 15 pack of it. What can I say? It's bitchin affordable.

Retire.... Please

1. Jeremy Roenick.
I put him first on my list solely due to the fact I personally love the guy, and all he's done in the NHL. There comes a time in every player's career that it's time to fold the cards, and leave the game with their reputation intact.

Jeremy Roenick isn't doing that. If the lockout year affected anyone more, please let me know. My boy Roenick went from being a dominant force in Philly, capped off by sending the Leafs home with that OT goal, to becoming a useless player in the NHL.

He went to LA and scored 9 goals in 58 games, in a campaign he admits was horrible. Then he went on to promise that he'd be the comeback player of the year. Yet he didn't back that sentiment up when he had a chance to pick himself as a wildcard on TSN's NHL panel fantasy draft.

Apparently he was as smart as the rest of the panel, because he's now on track for 4 goals this year.

Roenick was a great player that used to slap home 40-50 goals every year for 4 years. Now he's not even a shell of his former self - people forget he even existed. The best highlights of JR are in his commentary on sports shows. Hang up the blades man, and get on to broadcasting. Even Brett Hull knew when he was starting to suck, and called it quits after 9 games.

JR has a great future in broadcasting, a new Don Cherry. So, stop playing, people are more interested these days in hearing Roenick speak than play.

2. Chris Chelios
Another great player, another certain Hall of Famer. I would love to hate the guy like years past, but he's being pushed around like a child. This is embarrassing to such a force, he's either getting smoked by a hit, or coughing up the puck on any pressure.

I almost feel sorry for him.

3. Derian Hatcher
Costing the Flyers millions of dollars to be turned inside out on a nightly basis. For the integrity of the league, and the Flyers organization - take a buyout.

4. Mike Rathje
See above

5. Petr Nedved
Another Flyer that is taking a paycheck for no effort. The guy is spending time in the minors, has earned millions in his life - so take your money and go with your Sports Illustrated model wife. Enjoy a life we all dream of, don't delay it.

Darcy Tucker is a pussy

Do I need to add more? He picked a fight with a young player that had never had a fight in his junior or NHL career. Then Chris Neil invited a fight - and Tucker said "I'm a scorer".

All he did was back out like the bitch he is. Tucker can only pick fights with people he tried to hit and got knocked on his ass. His pride runs as far as his hitting ability, which is none.

Backing down on Chris Neil - he proved he's the NHL's biggest pussy. That excuse of being a scorer - and then getting blown out by Ottawa... where's your scoring touch now bitch?

He can say what he wants, and the Toronto media can ignore the fact later, but Tucker proved himself to be the league's biggest pussy.

Hyped up by the Toronto media - and who backs down? Darcy "faggot" Tucker. The most cowardly player in the NHL.

The Oilers Suck - namely due to their coach

Mactavish is a retard. And I'm the creator, star, and writer of this blog.

Winchester spends most of his time acting like he's a pedophiliac retard, possibly with downs syndrome playing for the Edmonton Oilers.

He may have scored an assist earlier tonight - and I hope someone has a clip of it, being 12 games in, someone must have won a thousand bucks on a 2 dollar bet.

I put my word out that Eric Lindros should be the Oiler signing, and regardless of Sykora's points in Edmonton, Lindros has more clutch points in Dallas. Look at tonight, Lindros interefered with Roloson like any allstar would do - and Dallas scored.

What the fuck are you going to to otherwise? Fight the refs? As the end of the game shown, a refs call, as moronic and stupid as they may be.... they stand. So who are you really tossing 900 grand a year at? Marty Reasoner, or Eric Lindros?

Dallas made their choice, and Dallas won the game.

We all might hate Mick McGeough tonight in Edmonton. But same price, same offer. Who really lost out?

Edmonton.