Joey Thornton a Shark

To San Jose: Joe Thornton
To Boston: Marco Sturm, Brad Stuart and Wayne Primeau

What the fuck just happened? The Boston Bruins who already lack any identity just shipped off the big guy. Apparently 33 points in 23 games with no linemates is subpar to Mike O'Connoll. Well, that's his fucking problem; he didn't have to take it out on the entire team. Franchise player, the Bruins #1 pick in 1997 shipped off like he hasn't lived up to expectations.

I can't say too much about that shit though, who knows what a player's value is these days? The Ducks just shipped off Fedorov for Tyler Wright and Francois Beauchemin. Of course they got Todd Marchant in the ultimate NHLPA-CBA fuckaround but this isn't exactly Brad Stuart an Olympian along with Sturm and Wayne Primeau. The Bruins got a decent pack of players.

I know what you're saying: Fedorov is your typical prick from the soviet bloc that played good but gave up on his career. You might too if your old lady was doing Enrique after your pal Pavel gave her the business. The point is, Boston got fucked, but not in the mouth.

Final Exams

My lack of any writing is due to these goddamn awful final exams. I always end up leaving myself a week to teach myself a semester full of knowledge straight out of the textbook. So it's a fucking mess around here.
I might get a bottle of Jack Daniels and take off the edge tomorrow night and post random thoughts of a whisky fueled rage and then get back into the mix for another week.
To anyone with exams coming up, best of luck and as pleasant an idea suicide may seem right now; I would advise against it. I've never heard of that turning out too great for any parties involved.

Edmonton Eskimos Win Grey Cup

What to say? Green and Gold. Take that shit MTL. City of Champions.

Game Review: Edmonton at Calgary November 25/05

I can't give much of a game review, as I watched this game on a big screen at Kelly's Pub, instead of at home where I could critique any and every move made by the players.... but I'll add one regardless..

Iginla is fucking deadly, hate him or love him the Flames only had a pressure when he was on the ice. But the one thing I noticed is that he handles the puck with the same speed and handle as Ales Hemsky. So what's the difference?

Iginla isn't a pussy, and he has that killer instinct on when to turn the guns on, and when to coast until they see an opening. Hemsky on the other hand guns in the same way.... but alas sees 3 defenders and runs himself into the boards. He has the skill, but not the mind to create a chance or kill a chance. This alone will be the downfall of Hemsky.... it's not a skill you learn, it's something you just know.

Ethan Moreau knows this idea of running for a goal when any opening happens... unfortunetely he doesn't have the skill. If you could combine Moreau and Hemsky into one player.... we'd have an Iginla.

Which goes to show the Oilers need a player that single handidly can turn a game around. Can turn a shift into a threat. We have Pronger on D... but I've never felt defense was the Oil weakness.

A true elite player on offense can make any shift into a scoring opportunity. Iginla does that. The Oilers have nobody like that. People love Ryan Smyth... while he may be the face of the Oilers, he doesn't control a game or shift on his own merit.

Brad Richards is up for grabs, and the Oilers should make every pitch they can to get him before Colorado does.... because mark my words right now... Richards will be in Colorado. Why? I just know.

Morrison played well, but again, he's our 3rd string goalie. Why rely on him as opposed to making a pitch to Florida for Luongo? Give them what they want... a combination of players can be easily obtained, but a true goalie is once every 10 years.

If not Luongo, the Oilers should at least make a pitch to Buffalo's goalie deadlock - not to Biron, but to Noronen - a goalie who can actually steal a game, wasn't overrated, doesn't fail... and can be Edmonton's answer to Kipper in a steal.

Either way, Edmonton won. Can't be beaten in a shootout apparantly by anyone.

The Return of Luis Mendoza to the Ducks

Remember that muthafucka that could skate like the wind in D2, Luis Mendoza? You know, the kid who could skate like the wind, but had no tangable skill beyond that, and therefore was overhyped and overrated? Well, apparently he's back with the Ducks, this time under the moniker "Todd Marchant".
I hear he's learned the art of stopping, unfortunetely because the Ducks could use some comic relief, but hasn't yet learned the art of using that twig in his hands to hit the disc on the ice. It's a foreign concept I suppose.

Sabres Retire Danny Gare's #18

In a dramatic ceremony the Sabres will retire Danny Gare's #18. I'm certain this game will be a sellout as fans from the tri state area flock to snatch up tickets to see such a legend have his career memoralized.
I mean, he scored 267 goals for the team for fuck sakes. In the defensive minded late 70s to mid 80s! What an accomplishment from such an outstanding player! He's part of the NHL's elusive 200 goal club, he deserves such a night from a storied franchise such as the Buffalo Sabres.
Next in line: Craig Ramsay? Rene Robert? Maxim Sergeyevich Afinogenov is almost there, retire his fucking #61 right now!

PS. If you don't remember Danny Gare, don't feel bad. Nobody does. But if it helps, he was a utility player on the 1986 Edmonton Oilers. 86, the year the Oilers had their Cup streak cut in half. Coincidence?

Best wishes to Jiri Fischer and the Wings

While I often speak ill of players around the league, it's in good humour. What happened last night was tragic and scary, and I hope we never see a player in such distress again. I would never wish such a moment on anyone. It reminds us that athletes are human and as vulnerable as the rest of us. My best wishes go to Jiri Fischer, his family and the Detroit RedWings. I eagerly await the day he's manning the blueline in MotorCity again.

A coach in Edmonton stupider than MacTavish?

I know what you're thinking. Impossible. But believe it my friend, I couldn't help but admit it myself until I recieved word last night. Eskimos coach Danny Maciocia, in the biggest game of his career has once again decided to start overpaid bum Ricky Ray over Jason Maas.
This boggles any concept of reason to me. I can understand BC's position with constantly starting that pale albino Dickenson over MVP Printers... because the province of British Columbia is in a perennial state of losing. It happens there and they come to expect failure. BC sucks. Wahaha
But this is the goddammed City of Champions Maciocia. We don't accept failure and you better hope that Ray holds us in until you realize you're an idiot for the 3rd fucking game in a row and let Maas clean up your mess. You will be ran out of Edmonton sucka. ¡Que tengas suerte!
Asshole.

Game Review: Redwings at Oilers November 17, 2005

I suppose I'll write this thing period by period, so I don't overwhelm myself at the end of the game off my notes trying to recall each and every play... making a long tedious process that I give up on anyways.

1st Period:

The Redwings are just dead, they're beat tired. After a hard fought loss to Calgary last night, the last place you want to be in the NHL is the fast ice of the Rexall Place the next evening. Schedualing in a sense can work in the Oilers favor this year, and so can Calgary be a useful ally in wearing teams down before they show in the City of Champions.

The shots reflect this fact, the Wings are taking bad penalties and they seem to have trouble keeping up with the flow so far. A dose of mes. should be the order in between periods from Babcock. Or not, as that would result in a 36 hour drive and they seem to be fine even on dead legs.

Twice in two games I have to hand it to Ales Hemsky making vetern moves that the veterns of the Oilers do not realize. He seems to be the only Oiler that notices on the PP when the ref's arm goes up once again. Twice in two games everyone passed it around on a 5 on 4, and once it got to Hemsky, he passes it into the skates of an opposing player to get the whistle and a longer 5 on 3. I love little things like that.

Hemsky, while a fluky goal on his behalf, he needs to work on that shot and finishing sure goals.. deserved of all players to notch that one, because he earned the original penalty with the stick to the chops. Again with the vet move getting the whistle. Pronger's no look Magic Johnson pass has worked a couple times for the Oilers this season, a little more scouting by other teams would see Pronger doesn't shoot as often as he should, and the goal could have been prevented. No fault on anyone's part though, hell, he's Chris Pronger and if you look for the fake pass he'll bullet it right by your ear leaving you with that god damned whistle sound followed by an obnoxious Oiler crowd cheering and a horn blaring.

But the folly of the Oilers. Hard earned goal, and just as easily lost. Pronger coughs it up like he's Bobby fucking Beers, and we're all tied at one going into round two of this three round middleweight bout.

2nd Period:

"There comes a time when..... when.... " - Wayne Gretzky 1988.
I'll finish that sentence for him. When the Oilers need to suck it up and get a real goalie. A game the Oilers are dominating has been quickly been turned 3-1 Detroit by two quick goals. Raymond Ferraro may feel the defense is to blame, but both shots were stoppable, and able to see by most goalies.
Who are we fooling here? Markannen was a backup goalie for the Rangers. The Oilers gave up on him once, why would he be a #1 goalie now? Osgood was a UFA going into the fall, and he signed to Detroit for CHEAP. Instead he's a Redwing stopping everything the Oilers throw at him, while Jussi keeps trying to soccer kick every shot into the boards. With a clutch goalie, the score would probably be 1-0 still. Alas, it isn't and the Oilers are playing tentatively with fear of letting in another and starting a blow-out.
This isn't right. Lowe, please, do something. If not for the fans, for your legacy as GM.
The New Energy, is a bad energy that dies off extremely quick with horrible goaltending.

3rd Period:

Make it 3-2 Detroit, Oil down by 1 now but...
it just took the Oilers a lot of shots just to bury one. Against Edmonton, it only takes one clear shot (not a single goal tonight vs. Edmonton came on a rebound or tip). That to me is a problem.

Make it 3-3.
Well played Edmonton to keep the momentum after a goal, unlike when the Oilers in the first period and games prior to this have given up cheap ones moments after. It comes down to Osgood/Markannen now.
And the tired legs of Detroit. Will the Oilers capitalize and hand Detroit 2 losses?

4-3 Edmonton.
Beauty by Ethan Moreau, nothing but heart on the PK. Excellent pass by Horcoff, the Oilers are finally capitalizing on the dead legs of Detroit.

5-3 Edmonton.
Nice shot by Ryan Smyth, and despite my feelings about him... congrats on moving into #5 tie with Paul Coffey on the all time Oiler goal scoring list. It's an elite group and nobody can take that away from him. Also Horcoff gets 4 assists in one period, tying an Oiler record, which alone is remarkable considering the legacy of this team. Historical goal.

Detroit is dying on tired legs, and like I said in the first period all praise is due to Calgary for working them down.

5-4 Edmonton.
Detroit scores on the PP, with a man stickless. You could smell it coming. This is the worst position for the Oilers to be in. Confidence on this team is easily shattered. Let's see.

5-5.
Like I said. Choke. That's what they do. How can the Oilers leave that many RedWings to take a slap at a puck in front of the net?

Pre OT Comments:
If the Wings can kill this 4 on 3 PP, they should play for a Shootout win. A shaky Markkanen against the likes of Datsyuk, Zetterberg and Shanahan will mean a guaranteed win. But nothing is harder to defend than a 4on3 in OT, and nothing would be sweeter than to win it on a fuck up by a former Oiler Kirk Maltby sitting in the box.

OT:
Stoll slaps one home early in the 4on3. Game over, go home Detroit. Fuck you Maltby.

My players/retards of the game:

Stars:
EDM - Ales Hemsky. Veteren moves at critical times resulted in critical goals, including the OT winner.
DET - Chris Osgood. This team hung him out to dry, they were tired and let the Oilers fire away. Without Osgood, it would have been a win far before this point.

Retards:
EDM - Jussi Markkanen: One save 90% of the goalies in the league would have had, the Oilers wouldn't have had to play come from behind over and over.
DET - Kirk Maltby: A play at any other time could be overlooked, but running a goalie in the last 10 seconds of a tie game is unforgivable. Ended up costing Detroit a point.

Final thoughts: Streaky win by a streaky team. No wonder Craig MacTavish got so fucking much grey hair in 3 years. Until the goalie issues are solved the players will have to work their asses off all season long just to squeak out extra points. This isn't a good thing in the long run.

My buddy Oswald

Just thought I'd share his most recent photo.

Todd Marchant Fiasco

So the Blue Jackets have put Todd Marchant on waivers after acquiring Sergei Fedorov. With the contract he has at $2.47 million, $2.47 million and $2.66 million for each of the next three seasons, there is no chance he'll be picked up by anyone in the next 24 hours.

Toddy is heading for the minors. I couldn't be happier for him. On re-entry waivers he'll be snagged by some team for half his salary for the next 3 years. But now he knows what it's like to be betrayed.

This is the guy that turned his back on thousands of loyal fans for the almighty dollar, and now that same decision has put his life in turmoil. No trade clause... goodbye. Marchant is headed wherever he's told.

Poetic freaking justice. Punk.

I love puppies

and stickers. The sun makes my neck warm when it comes out from behind Mr. Cloud, which makes me fuzzy and happy. Everything reminds me of a hug from a warm sweater right out of the dryer. Smelling of Bounty dryer sheets!

Is that more the language my fans would like to read?




If so.... Fuck off. Nobody forced you bitches in.

Non Hockey: The Truth About Walmart

GET ACTIVE: Wal-Mart: Rolling Back Workers’ Wages, Rights, and the American Dream, a new report by American Rights at Work, offers a comprehensive examination of Wal-Mart’s abysmal labor standards, including its poor compensation, difficult working conditions, and effective strategy to remain union free. To download the full report, please visit www.americanrightsatwork.org. (11/09)

The movie is being screened for free here in Edmonton. Watch those bastards for who they really are:

Wal-Mart:the High Cost of Low Price (Edmonton, AB)
WHEN: November 16, 2005 07:00 PM TICKET PRICE: FREE
DETAILS: Introduction to the film by Dr. Raj Pannu
WHERE:U of A SUB StageEdmonton, AB 0
Online Map

or....

WHEN: November 18, 2005 07:30 PM TICKET PRICE: FREE
DETAILS: Join us for the film and discussion after
WHERE:University of Alberta Department of Education Education south tower room 129Edmonton, AB null
DIRECTIONS: all buses end up at the university or take the Light rail transit to the university stop

Clutch

Websters defines it as:

adj. Informal
Being or occurring in a tense or critical situation OR
Tending to be successful in tense or critical situations


This is what the Oilers do not possess. and apparently never will.

I spent the earlier part of the night watching my Flyers face off against the Bruins. At about the 15 minute mark of the 3rd period in a 2-1 game, the Flyers were mounting a comeback. Pitkanen coughed the puck up and Thornton scored. Less than 5 minutes to go.... most fans would change the channel. But the Flyers under Hitchcock have that one quality:

Clutch.

Pitkanen fed a pass to Simon Gagne, who went in alone and scored. 3-2. Then about a minute later, Forsberg fed Pitkanen in front - goal. 3-3. OT comes on, Gagne and Forsberg feed Pitkanen again in front - goal. 4-3 win. The Flyers have that attitude there is no score they can't overcome.

The Oilers on the otherhand, had a 1-0 lead into period 3, and can't hold it. NOT CLUTCH. Eventually go down 2-1. NOT CLUTCH. But by some miracle score the game tying goal with 60 seconds to go.

At this moment fans should assume we get one point, in OT.... at least. I watched the Flyers down by 2 and never once doubted they could win. Tie game with 30 seconds to go, I never held the same belief, sure enough.... Nashville scores. Edmonton loses without a point.

Where's the blame?

Can you honestly remember the last "CLUTCH" moment in Oiler history? It was 1997, almost 10 years ago, when Marchant scored in OT.

Think about that for a second. Marchant is gone, and so is the coach, since then, the Oilers blow every critical moment. Who's been constant? Craig MacTavish - someone with no experience coaching, yet a former Oiler we appoint.

Disgusting.

Laraque is a pussy

I know I often mention this, but it's the truth. Oiler fans will be hopping on cocks tonight fantasizing of Laraque's fight against a lesser pussy Darcy Hordichuk.

Thing is Laraque doesn't show up when it's game time or fight the people that ask for it. He leaves that task to Ethan Moreau, Raffi Torres or Jason Smith. Because in his idiot mind, he belives his 5 minutes off the ice is more valuable than the team's leading goal scorer, penalty killer or shot blocker/captain.

Laraque likes to believe he's the star of the team.

Anyone remember his "is Sean Avery even going to make the team?" comment? What a stupid bitch Laraque is. Avery in fact, did make the team, aggravate the Oilers into penalties, and assisted on the game winning goal. Where was Laraque? Avoiding confrontation.

So what does Georges "Pussy" Laraque do? Pulls the race card after the game. I don't know, if it was actually said that Avery called him a "monkey" Donald Brashear would have fought linesmen off to pound his chops in. Not stand back and look like a complete bitch, arms hanging to the side like "I'm just here, someone look at me like I'm relevent".

Fuck you Laraque. The most useless pussy in the NHL.

and people might bring up the fact "oh no, enforcers are obsolete in the NHL now". Well, they're idiots.

If any team doesn't need one, it's Ottawa. Instead, they have Brian McGratten in their nightly lineup for the simple fact, he'll fuck you up bitch. Are you about to touch Heatley or Spezza when you know he's watching your number to kick your face in? Tie Domi the perrenial loser to Bob Probert got his worst ass kicking of all time because he tried to fuck with Ottawa.

Fear their scoring? Fear them all around.

Laraque doesn't understand this. He thinks his rapping of Vanilla Ice and having a love advice radio show in Edmonton makes him immune to getting his face punched in.

I can't wait until the Oilers play the Senators and the world sees him back down like the pussy he is.